Musings on Poker and Other Stuff
I always read these Quiz sections in my trashy magazines. I love them. This week I decided to pull one out of Allure, October and answer the questions myself.
Scent on a man: Whatever my boyfriend wears. I think it used to be Aqua di Gio, but now he got a new one and I love that one too.
TV Show: Family Guy
Time of Day: After I get done working out....then I'm free!
Shoe: honestly, flip flops. But I wish it was f-- me heels.
Swear Word: Fuck (obv)
Music: songs that always get me going: Journey 'Don't Stop Believing', Black Eyed Peas 'Boom Boom Pow', T-Pain 'Apple Bottom Jeans', Robyn 'Dancing on my own', What is hot right now: Gotye, Youth Lagoon, Cut Copy and I LOVE Chromeo/Steve Aoki
Beauty Product: ugh, unfortunately I'm not great at this.....I guess I would say a good night time moisturizer. Nothing like cleaning your face of the day and putting on some moisture. My mom used to always have the wet face look at night from her many moisturizers. I think it reminds me of her.
Drink: wine (but I'm exploring other options)
Vice: Drinking (but I'm working on that)
Spa Treatment: Deep massage (what kind of question is that?)
Way to Spend Money: On others.
Villain: The Prince who sells out William Wallace in Braveheart. What a chicken shit! And Cruella Deville--I was her for Halloween when I had short black and white hair
Color: Orange, used to be yellow but I switched
Just got back from my cruise last night. What an incredible experience to share with my loved ones. There were so many moments when I was like, "yep, these people definitely share my genes." There were other moments when I was thinking, "I can't believe I share a similar genetic code as these people." Good and bad, that is the wonderful thing about family. You don't get the luxury of writing them off with every disappointment or insult. You can't break up with them. I actually think that it might be God's best trick yet. Only through the act of being forced to love and forgive, do you really get to see a person. And in really seeing someone, you discover the greatest love. I think we imagine that we find perfect partners, or imagine that we are treasures as spouses. But really, loving your family is the guide for how to love everyone. With forgiveness, with honesty, with compassion, with empathy and commitment.
My grandpa introduced me to someone he has been friends with since 4th grade on the cruise. At 75 I imagine most people haven't maintained relationships that survived so many years and so much distance. We also went with his cousin whom he is still close to. I hope desperately to still be in my cousins' lives as we near almost a century of life.
(my grandpa's cousin Jimmy Wallace) And my grandpa hasn't always fit the mold his family set out for him, but he always handled everyone with kindness and respect. And thus, after all these years, he still has a close bond with people from all different periods of his long life.
(my grandpa on his 75th birthday Col. Paul Grant)
Being around my younger cousins, my older parents and my even older grand parents I could sense the invisible line we are on to the grace that only age reveals. I got into it with one of my cousins one night at dinner. Only to have Heath knock me under the table and remind me that she is only 18 and clearly not hearing anything I was saying. I looked over at my grandpa who stared back with tender eyes at me and I realized that I was an idiot. I can not teach her things that she will have to learn herself, just like my grandpa can't give me his wisdom and patience. I guess the older you get the more you live by example. And the older I get, the more I realize I know nothing.
But simultaneously the more I look at the people around me, I know that they are having the same experience. They are making mistakes and looking around them for help and answers and insight. And the only way to provide them with a solid reflection is to always look upon them with love and forgiveness. Hopefully they will do the same for you when you look out.
(my daddy who has taught me loads about compassion & empathy)
(my partner who has shown me love & forgiveness)
Yippie!!! It's finally here. I'm leaving in 30 minutes on a cruise. Now if you are picturing pina coladas pool side, you've got the wrong picture. I'm going to spend some quality time with my family. My grandpa invited Heath and I in May to come on a cruise with him and my grandma. Soon pretty much my whole family on that side was on board. No pun intended. My dad is coming with his wife, my cousin and her husband, my other cousin and her mom, a total of 22 people!! My grandparents are cruise professionals. Heath and I on the other hand have never been. But secretly I've always wanted to. More than anything though, I am so looking forward to spending some quality time with my grandma and grandpa. They have played such an important role in my life.
Then of course, Heath and I will be going to the Hard Rock Hotel in Hollywood, FL, to play some pokers!!! Just wanted to give you guys the heads up and expect a long blog with all the details upon my return. Hoping this gorgeous sunset is a good omen!
One of the pleasures of living in the City of Entertainment is all the, wait for it......Entertainment. Heath and I have enjoyed so many awesome shows and days of fun. I remember one of the first days we lived together officially he asked me, "Do you like roller coasters?". Ummmmm, obviously! We hopped in the car and rode the coaster at the New York, New York until we were sick. I've seen almost every CIrque show, tons of comedy and lots of good bands. One of the recent things Heath and did was sign up for Fillaseat. Basically you can see shows in Vegas for free because they want the audience to be full. It makes the people who paid feel like they got a better value.
On Friday we went to see The Price is Right. I never really watched it growing up so I wasn't sure what to expect. But Jerry Springer was hosting, so I was clearly chanting, "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry." He did not disappoint.
I had a blast! Just like the Marriage can be Murder we saw at the Fitzgeralds the week before.
So many things that I expect to be kitchy or lame are actually so much fun.
I guess part of it is having a partner that is down to do those things too. It is so important to find someone who can let themselves be silly and do something not "cool." I love that. I Love doing things that people don't expect. I love being in an audience where the median age is 65. And still laughing my face off. I can't wait for what is up this week.
Oh this week, I'm leaving on friday for a cruise so I might be missing a blog or two while I'm gone. Be back before Xmas!!
Heath's daughter came to our house for Thanksgiving. This has been a tradition ever since I met Heath. I am so fortunate. She is perfect. Every time we spend some time with her, it gets me thinking. For someone who has never a child of their own before, it is such a unique experience. I am a 28 year old woman who has never been married and has no children. However, I get the privilege of knowing in an deeply personal way, a 13 year old girl. It brought several things to the forefront of my mind.
First, I was trying to picture the families of most of the people I know, and I realized that most of my friends have step-parents. While, in some ways families are breaking apart, they are also growing in other ways. I am extremely grateful for my own set of step-parents. Both of whom have taught me things that my own parents just didn't have to share. They have loved me without hesitation. And both have made sacrifices for the benefit of someone else's spawn.
(My step mom dying my hair fire engine red.) I hope that I can be that for Katlyn. I hope that I can be aspects that her mom just shouldn't and won't ever be.
Which brings me to my next thought on my time spent with her, how bad of an influence am I? Having only been a dog mom as I mentioned above, I just don't really have ability to determine what is appropriate or not. Not being with her all the time I just don't know what is normal for her. Was it okay to watch Dateline NBC about a murder? Is shit an okay cuss word? How honest can I be about my life? Is it bizarre to give her my trashy gossip magazine? I suddenly was overwhelmed with how important every moment and action was with her. The older you get the easier life gets in some ways. You don't have to soak up every detail about the world from your tiny little world. Once you are grown you will see the world on your own and make your own opinions and memories. For her, everything she knows comes from her family. She made some adorable comment about the President and I could tell that she had no idea about politics or society in this contemporary environment. But that didn't stop her from listening to things her mom said and repeating them like truth. When that happened I immediately felt compelled to share with her every life lesson I've ever collected. Every tid bit of my experience that might shed some light on things maybe even her biological parents couldn't.
The thing is, she is 13. She will have to go make her own experiences and mistakes. I think people with children have a certain grace that comes from the patience of realizing that you have absolutely no control. The best way to lead is by example. And even that doesn't work with all our imperfections.
Then as we drove the 12 hours to drop her off in her small town in the middle of no where after only seeing her for two days I came to the conclusion that maybe family isn't there to teach you, as much as we there to support you. Maybe I am in her life not to shed some light on God and the Universe, but rather, to drive 12 hours to show her that she is loved. Maybe I am in her life to forgive her no matter what she does, and pick her up when she makes the inevitable mistakes we are all destined to make. To give her not a foundation in the political paradigms of the world, but to give her a foundation of support.
And finally let me just add that I could not be happier to growing older and I welcome the coming of each day. Being around a 13 year old girl and thinking of all the things she has to go through. Listening to the things she thinks about now. I could not be more grateful at being a grown up. And hopefully a grown up she can look up to.
Thanksgiving always falls on the last Thursday of November. This year it will be November 24th, 2011. Thanksgiving has changed as I've got older in terms of what I do, who I see and where I go. But one thing will always stay consistent, taking the time to remember what you are thankful for in this life. In honor of that most precious tradition I have made a list of 24 things I am grateful for in no particular order.
1. The Winx aka. the most precious pitbull ever to grace the planet
2. My mom, who taught me strength and compassion
3. My soul mate aka. The Texas Crazy Horse
4. My job, that pulls me out of any funk and brings me so much joy (and the people I've grown to <3 at work)
5. My brother, my partner for the first 15 years
6. My health
7. My daddy, who can sometimes get through to me when no one else can
8. My freedom
9. Jenn, one of the most loyal people I know
11. My grandpa, who taught me integrity
12. My grandma, who gave me so many of my favorite traits
13. Rainy days (which I don't get many of in Vegas)
14. Newman, a most pleasant surprise
15. Newt, who never lets me drift away
16. Ex's and old friends, they made me who I am today
17. Fine meals that lead to conversation
18. Funny movies
19. becoming close to my other grandma in the last few years
20. My step dad, I trust my mom in his hands.
21. My step mom, who ACTS how most people just talk
22. the internet
24. Kristy and Lynn, I had to! I'm so grateful for you girls.
An interesting exercise. I could go on forever. I love to make lists! Happy Thanksgiving!
I couldn't have been more excited to get the news that I would be the video hostess for the newest EPT stop in Loutraki, Greece. I have ALWAYS wanted to come to Greece. Of course I imagined island hopping and swimming the Mediterranean, which my trip has not been at all. But what I got is something even better. I just did the all-inclusive Mexico thing. This trip has been about coming back to the beginning of Western civilization.
Heath decided to come to make sure I didn't get caught up in some riot. And of course to play his first EPT. We arrived very early in the morning, dropped off our bags and headed straight for the Acropolis. Heath immediately hired a private guide, which I thought was a bit pricey, but it was his money, so I indulged the splurge. Boy was it worth it. She had so many treasures to share. Not just history, but deeply ingrained principles of Greek philosophy.
She explained that we all have monsters which is what makes us human, but that we have the capacity to be like the Gods, that in fact it is our duty to reach toward our better selves and away from the things that make us broken and human. Heath and I would soon have a lesson in that. I could barely keep my eyes open, but Heath brought me to a little bar to share some Greek drinks before the dinner he had arranged. We went to dinner where I broke plates, ate and danced like an American girl trying to be a true Greek. Then things got ugly. We decided to let the wine take us where it would...which of course was a strip club. We drank too much. Fought. And wasted an entire day in Athens the next day.
That night we ate at a restaurant over looking the Acropolis and chatted about what a waste that was. How gross we felt after the elation of such a beautiful first day. We decided to make a conscious choice to let Greece teach us how to be our better selves. And since that I feel amazing. I woke up this morning and felt so grateful for my job, grateful for my life and beautiful in my own skin. I won't let my degenerate nature become ME.
I even had a blast shooting the welcome video in the midst of a pseudo hurricane!!
I just returned from a trip to Colorado. My best friend passed away last month. Her birthday is October 24th. She and I used to smoke cigarettes and drink coffee all day long in the Waffle. We would write poetry and complain about society in a capitalistic environment. It was our second home and so for her birthday I went home to spend the night at the Waffle House.
I used to fight with her mom. We really hated each other. But his weekend we sat across from each other for hours upon hours crying and laughing and sharing in suffering and in love. We came full circle because what a waste to hold on to that.
I always get this incredible sense of arbitrage when I return home. It stays the same in some ways, and even though I am always different, I can always manage to tap back into what it felt like before. It is a bitter sweet sensation. Things will never be the same, and you don't want them to be, but one can't help but reminisce about the times that were. The experiences that built you. And to feel the experiences that are building you right now.
I ended up watching some old home movie with my cousins. It is crazy to see yourself as a child. You recognize that is you, but you can't connect yourself to that person at all. It was bizarre to see all of kids and all of parents and grandparents. Now, we have all experienced death, divorce, illness and tragedy. But when we were so young, it seemed mostly hopeful.
It is the cycle of living, of knowing each other, of being human.
My cousin brought over her new baby and I saw it beginning all over again. In a room full of family with resentments and history, everything felt happy when her beautiful son was sitting on the floor giggling. All was forgotten for the moment.
Yet, I was acutely aware that at some point he would be sitting in our position. Someday he will have baggage to carry as well. He will have disappointments and heart breaks, but also he will have joys and real love. He will have friends who feel like family. And he will have a family that will support and love him no matter what.
It is a funny thing about family, a funny thing about love, it brings people together. Sometimes, it tears people apart. It forces you to experience deep loss, and lets you experience intense happiness. Either way, I trust it. I trust the ebb and flow. The leaving and coming back. The dying and being born. It is all part of pieces that are making us from moment to moment. And I am grateful for all of them.
Welp, I'm here in foggy London Town. Which is more realistically, sunny London town. The journey here was filled with some Delta bumps and bruises. After my loyal service they pretty much hire complete incompetents and I'm left at the back of the plane with a TV that doesn't work and a delay. But, c'est la vie. I made it alive and nothing a little Xanex can't fix on the way.
The day of exploring the city was absolutely lovely!! Laura set up for us to have our own cabin at the London Eye. Adam and I meandered the city hitting up Piccadilly Circus, Trafalger Square, Big Ben, Thames River, all the good stuff. Check out the video complete with some ridiculous outfits.
This will probably be most all I see of London because it is bloody expensive. The free ride arranged on the Eye would have been £30!! The tube ride from the airport was almost £20. I tried to pull out £250 from the ATM and apparently that was too much. Especially with the dollar declining like peoples' interest in Casey Anthony, I just can't afford it here. And quite frankly, I don't belong here. See below.
A lot coming up the next few months...but that is it for now.
Of course traveling is a big part of what I do for a living. But unfortunately, (or fortunately depending on how you look at it), is isn't a vacation. I made a solid decision that this year after the WSOP I was going to go to an all-inclusive resort in Mexico and do absolutely nothing. For one week I would not touch my computer. I would not turn on my phone. I wouldn't put on a bit of make-up and I would check out.
I did just that. Heath and I hit up the Now Sapphire Resort on the Riviera Maya. I got a smoking deal, and minus the time share presentation we somehow got wrangled into, we spent pretty much the entire time eating, drinking and being merry. To be honest, if I never have another mixed drink again, I will be just fine. And I don't know what the bar tending school is like in Old Mexico, but every bar tender had a different idea of what things were. I literally had three people make vodka martinis without any vodka.
By far my favorite part was waking up to the beach right outside my window every day.
It definitely reminded me of how much more connected one feels when in the presence of nature. While Sin City offers many benefits of its own, a sense of connectedness is just not really one of them.
Being the conspiracy nuts that we are, a trip anywhere near the Yucatan would not be complete without visiting some Mayan ruins. We headed off to Chichen Itza, one of the wonders of the world. This was so incredible.
Everything came full circle as we pulled onto the tarmac. I finally turned on my phone. It was strange because while I felt so connected, what I had done the last week was disconnect from the people and places I know and love. My best friend since 6th had passed and I hadn't been available to even know. It reminded me of the wonders of modern technology. The beach is gorgeous, and viewing spectacle of history so impressive. However, we never have to disconnect from each other anymore. Geez, its free to skype from Mexico!
My best friend and I shared so many moments; from teenage angst drinking coffee and smoking at the Waffle House, to drifting aimlessly around Thailand together, from boys and girls , to moms and dads. She was my sister. I hope that the connectedness I felt near the ocean was a piece of her as she drifted off to the next thing. And I hope I always feel that. I want to share her with everyone.
There is a video of all the pix I find of my soul mate.