Musings on Poker and Other Stuff
I was sitting at breakfast the other morning reading a book by Marcus Borg called Speaking Christian. The book is essentially about how certain words have been used and overused and manipulated. He breaks down the meanings and also the historical movement of the words from their original purpose to the function they serve today. It got me thinking about myself as a person, and as a Christian. I realized that I am a really shitty example of a Christian in lots of ways these days. A big one of them being the things I let spew from my mouth. I followed this line of thought all the way to why I cuss like a sailor. And moreover, why I say things which are very opinionated, often graphic, and typically offensive.
Somehow I have morphed over my years from someone who was known as being very sweet and sensitive to someone who is crude and often angry. Funny thing is, inside I think I am more thoughtful than I ever was before. I am more loving and careful with those that i love in the last years than I used to be. So, why now has my exterior become so crass? Suddenly it dawned on me that I don't say most things because I mean them. I say things for effect. I want to get a reaction from people. I like watching people recoil at me.
I've even started this crusade as an AMERICAN. I've lived all over the world. But for some bizarre reason I present myself as the BIGGEST American on the planet both in political opinion, accent, and demeanor. I don't know that it is authentic. Part of it started because Gloria was on this tournament circuit as a pseudo-Euro. I imagine I wanted to differentiate myself from her. So instead of presenting myself as worldly and informed. I opted to be the sarcastic American.
Anyways, I don't want to be a series of reactions. I want to be REAL and true. More than that, I would love to be the kind of person that people feel good being around. I want to be a living example.
After having this whole realization, my camera guy at the moment Will sent me over a video which was very apropos. Does this guy say things from his heart....or for effect. I think that is clear!