Musings on Poker and Other Stuff
I spent a brief period of time working on a film in Wisconsin in my early twenties. I was there early for prep and so I wasn't working full hours all day every day. With all this free time on my hands and still trying to save money to move to Los angeles...I decided to take on some other forms of employment.
First I took a job as a waitress at Bab's French Quarter Kitchen. I really started developing relationships with a lot of the locals in Madison. One was the woman who was slated to be the make-up artist on the film set I was working on.
She shared with me that she was a model for a few of the University art classes. She had a womanly figure but I was vintage and very beautiful. The way she spoke about her experience modeling nude, made me find her even more beautiful. She told me that she had moments of insecurity, as any person does, but allowing herself to push through that fear and to be truly seen had helped her feel even more confident and beautiful.
I had always been relatively confident. However, I worked out daily to try to perfect my body. As is human nature, I never felt like I was at my ideal body size. Bold as I've always been, I decided to give it a try.
The first time I came out with a sheet over my body I was so nervous I was literally shaking. The professor told me that I could position myself however i wanted. With no experience, I tried something very dynamic with my body. My arms were out and my legs bent far too much. I would urge everyone to try it once. While you are watching TV try to assume a position and hold that position for an hour. You can not imagine how fast things start to fall asleep. Or your arms start to shake from exhaustion..not nerves. Your knees start to go weak. And you have nothing else to think about. It is an incredible exercise in the strength of both your mind and body. Even though you are going crazy in your tingling muscles and your mind is wandering from intense pain to extreme boredom...you enter an almost meditative state.
After you stand naked for hours and hours in poses that challenge both your body and mind, you stop panicing about being naked. You stop feeling so strange being the only naked person in the room. And you learn to be comfortable. I learned to let the rolls on my stomach be. I learned to let the turkey in arms lay. I learned being a good figure model, was not about having a good figure, but about being comfortable.
The second class I did, they liked my combat boots and dress when I walked in and asked me to wear those instead of going nude. The teacher gave me the sketchs he drew during the warm up. I had become so comfortable I actually fell asleep with my head on my knee at some point.
Ultimately the professors asked me to model these opera wardrobes in these incredible outdoor setting. Feeling safe without my clothes on brought me to a place where I wore more clothes than I ever have and still got paid. Although I recognize that not everyone could do this if possible I think everyone should try. Everyone should stand naked in a room full of people who are fully clothed...and find themselves eventually at peace. Everyone should try standing in a place that makes them feel sexy and come to realize that feeling comfortable is what makes you look sexy in the long run.
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