Musings on Poker and Other Stuff
Been hanging around youngsters the last week from infants to teenagers. Makes me want to say one thing, THANK YOU MOM!! Raising kids is no easy task. But neither is growing up. We all have the privilege of looking on at teenage 'angst' with at least some sense of peace and comfort and self knowledge. However, when I really broke it down...when I really thought about the pieces of toddlers that I connect with, the bits of kiddos, and the moments with 15 year olds and college student I was struck by something. I have a feeling all the 'searching' for ourselves is really a series of trying on different masks. Okay, I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out.
Babies are nothing if not themselves. They can barely contain their emotions for even a second.
Slowly but surely they begin to imitate the people around them. They begin to gage responses and try to fit in---in whatever small ways they can.
And yet I think for the most part, and most certainly for me, I had a very strong sense of self and identity until around middle school. Suddenly I was exposed to being "cool." I realized there were groups that you could chose to fit into. Thus began a long string of what I would now call masks but at the time I thought was just me discovering myself. From skater to preppie to hippie to punk I changed my hair and clothes and friends and musical interest. All in the name of being me. But when I look back, those were the times I was exploring pieces of me...but I was no where near the true self I'd been hiding since discovering I was a person.
I always say that I would never want to go back even a year because with each year I am more and more comfortable in my own skin. Although even now I realize that there WILL be setbacks. This life is a journey and not a line. The more I sat and thought about it, it dawned on me that perhaps, in searching for our life partner we are looking for someone to love us and teach us with the unconditional love that our mothers did. So we can finally go back to being the mask-less versions of ourselves. And for most of us, create more perfect little people to start the cycle over again.
After a semi-dramatic and angsty teenage weekend with my current life partner and his 14 year old daughter, we headed out to see Wreck it Ralph.
Yes, it is a kids movie. It was probably the best time we had all week. It was a moment when we all let our collective masks down and let it feel good to have a pure heart again. For two hours we laughed at silly jokes, rooted for the good guy, booed the villain and stopped trying to be cool! We reverted back to the original selves we are all trying to run from.
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